Who do you blog for?

I’ve been waiting for the the right moment to call Boo. It’s saturday. I wonder why he’s not home this weekend.  It’s still 9 in the evening, too early for him to sleep. He usually goes to bed around 1 a.m. to 2 a.m. So I guess it’s a right time. He must be blogging right now or playing one of those dragging online games. I put on my headset and call him. I’m not sure if he’ll talk. The last time we had a conversation was almost a month ago. He’s not in a habit of sending me sms, not even if I text him first. So here goes nothing.
 
At least he’s phone ringing. If doesn’t want to talk, he’d cancel it.

"Hello. I’ve heard!" I said over the phone.
 
"Good Evening, ’bout what?" Boo said. Sounds like he’s in a good mood.
 
"About her breaking you heart, or you breaking hers" I said.
 
"I guess, I’ve been talking to the wrong people. How’d that reached you so fast?" Boo confirming it was true.
 
"I always thought you want me informed" I said with a chuckle.
 
"Please don’t make me feel more stupid. I feel stupid already" Boo said.
 
"I’m sorry. Just thought you know, you fell for the wrong person" I said.
 
"I don’t think so. I just find out she’s the right one for me and…" He stopped.
 
"Go on.You can tell me, I’ll listen. I’m a friend, I worry you know" I said. I really don’t want to, I just need to hear his voice. Once, almost four years ago, this person loves me too. I was simply not that ready. He’s proposal was so heavy for me. I’m too young I guess, 21 years old that time. I can’t blame myself. But he’s never stop blaming me for what happened to us. He’s anger never faded.
 
"I can’t. You’re not the right person to talk to" Boo said.
 
"You can’t or you won’t?" I said.
 
"Why do you always insist?" He’s irritated.
 
"Because I know you need someone right now. I’ve seen you cried before. I can’t stand thinking that you’d cry your way to sleep again. I’m your friend you can talk to me" I said with the most soothing voice I know.
 
"I’m not crying. I’m angry" Boo said in an angry voice.
 
"I knew that but I also knew when that anger…" I said.
 
"Shut up!" Boo interrupt.
 
"…subside, you always end up crying" I said.
 
"Shut up!" He shouted.
 
"Why are you so afraid of me?…" I paused.
 
"Please tin, please" he beg. His voice shaking.
 
"…I’m just saying -" I can’t continue.
 
Then there’s silence.
 
"Dont be too hard on yourself. You don’t need to make it difficult, you know" I said. I want to cry. I’ve seen him cry before. If I could only cry for him. Why don’t he just simply let go? Let it go. There’s more to life than her. I wish I could say that.
 
"I know, I wish I could make it easier." Boo said with a deep sigh.
 
"You have me!" I said. I am volunteering again. Volunteering? That’s what he calls it.
 
"Yeah, I know! Should I say thank you? Thank you, really!" Boo said.
 
"Then what’s holding you back?" I said.
 
"I like you, but…" Boo said. Like? That’s it?
 
"But what?" I said.
 
"Nothing. Nevermind" Boo said. There it goes. He’d always wrapped it up with "Nevermind."
 
"Keeping me in the dark will not help, I’ll always have a light. When are you gonna stop doing that? It hurts!" I said.
 
"I’m sorry! It’s just that…" Boo said. There it goes again.
 
"But what? It’s just that what?" I said. I’m disapointed. If I could only grab him and shake the words out of him. He never have difficulty of breaking it down to me before. Is this a good sign?
 
"Please don’t raise your voice on me! Why don’t you just leave me alone? P*****-**a!" Boo cursed - raising his voice. Well if he doesn’t want to talk, he could hang up. But not this time I think he needs it.
 
"Hey! That’s totally uncalled for. You know, I’ve changed." I said.
 
"Sure you have!" Boo said. He’s my unbeliever. Still I love him.
 
"I have!" I said.
 
"Whatever!" Boo said.

"I’ve read you blog" I said changing the topic.
 
"So?" Boo said.
 
Then there is silence again. I couldn’t say any word, he’s mad. Is he crying? Go ahead ask.
 
"Boo? Hello? Are you crying?" I asked.
 
"No I’m not! I’m sorry." Boo say breaking the silence.
 
"It’s okay. Told you I’ve changed'’ I said.
 
"It has only 2 entries. Don’t know if I’ll post more" Boo said.
 
"What I mean is your "other" blog. I’ve read all the entries before you’ve closed it. I am checking your new one. There’s only 2, right?" I said.
 
"Yes!"
 
"So that’s what you have been doing. Someone told someone about it and that someone told me about it" I said.

"Not all the time, you knew me, always on the quest to eliminate boredom" Boo said. Eliminate?
 
"I can do that too!" I said
 
"The what?" Boo asked.
 
"Eliminate your boredom" I said with a big smile on my face.
 
Silence. Again. Is it too much for an invitation?
 
"Just kidding, I mean I can do blog too" I said. That’s not what I really meant.
 
"Really? Who do you blog for?" Boo said.
 
"Yes!" I said. Who do you blog for? Err..
 
"You’re not the type, you couldn’t even make a friendster account" He teased.
 
"I just have to get help from some friends then, watch me!" I laughed.
 
"Good luck! I got to go. I have this DVD - Adaptation, wanna watch it with me?" Boo say. Is he flirting? I like that.
 
"I’d love to. Wish I could." I mean it.
 
"I really need to go, thanks for the call" Boo say. appreciation that’s all I need.
 
"Boo don’t cry, ok?" I said.
 
"I’ll try. Good night! Bye!" Boo said. I’ll try?
 
"Night. Bye…" I paused.
 
He hang up.
 
"…I love you!" It was too late. I should have spoken earlier.
 
I just found my reason.

(The source is a recorded cellphone conversation. I personally trancribed and translated it to english. Sensitive details are omitted to protect the persons involved. Boo is a real person but it’s not his real name. So Boo if you read this you’d know it’s you!)