I’m Crazy

Friday, January 25th, 2008

Earlier today, I mean yesterday:

"… We  are having minor, random, almost negligible problems occassionally" He took a glance at me. Negligible? He shouldn’t have said that, however small, slight, microscopic, minor, or of small importance the problem is, it still deserves some respect <grin> Occassionally?  Boo talaga!

"But we were able  to coped up with any of them" He continued. Another glance

"Aside from the server that won’t boot , over all the systems are all running well…" He paused and another glance. You can never hear him say Ah between words, instead he’d paused and continue.

"We don’t know what’s wrong and hope you can you can help us out with that and…" He took a long paused and took a deep breath "..So that’s it." This time I smiled at him. Hope ka dyan! 

Boo end his 15 minutes report with those lines. Then discussions followed. We spent another 30 minutes answering all the "Systems Owner (SOs)"*** questions and another quarter of an hour jotting down the list of requirements and exchanging  suggestions and recommendations . The meeting ended. I was there for only one reason, monitor and help him out.

"What are you doing here?" Boo asked, as we walked with the SOs for the actual check-up.

"I’m also here to check and make sure you did your job, back you up if need demands it" I answered. What kind of f*cking question was that?

He just turned away and entertained the SOs.

"Are you going out with us later?" I asked.

"I can’t and I really don’t want to" He said. Why does he need to show me a not-happy-you-are-here face?

"Why? It’ll be fun!" I said.

"I don’t usually go with them, drink beers, have fun, you knew that" he said

"I’ll be there! It’ll be fun… Please? What do you expect me to do tonight? Go to my hotel room and sleep early?" I said.

"Well, you could do that" He said with an insulting smile, like he’s so happy with what he said.

I gave up. I won’t attempt to talk with him again, I said to myself. I’ve traveled a thousand miles and fought that I need to be here and this is what I get. I walked out of the building and lit a cigarette. F*ck him! Jeez..

"Sorry!" He said over my shoulder. "I don’t drink with them, you knew that"

"I don’t drink with them too! I just want to spend time with you just like what we were before…" I paused to see his reaction. "…I mean before we became US" Lumalandi na ako.

"There’s no more reason for that tin, you knew that!" He said.

"For once, treat me as Colleague!" I said.

"That’ll be hard" He said with that same insulting smile, that infuriated me.

"And for once, give up that acting normal is so damn hard crap!" I almost shouted.

He bowed his head, threw his half-done cigarette and walked away. I wanted to run after him and say I am sorry. <grin> Awkward.

Later… While we were preparing to go back to our accomodations.

"Could I do anything to change your mind?" Landi ko na talaga.

"I don’t want to, ok?" He said nicely.

"Ok, if ever you changed your mind, anytime, you know where I am." Sobrang landi ko na talaga.

"Got it!" He said.

"Do you like my blog" I said with a grin on my face.

"Rude and pointless!" He said. It’s not rude, and definitely not pointless! I wanna say that.

"Told  you I can do blog too and do it the way you do it, mine’s only in english. BTW, Got something for you" I handed him House of Sand and Fog by Andre Dubus III book.

"I already have this book" He said.

"It’s different! it’s from me and if you like you can give me yours"  I said.

"Nah! I think i’ll keep it, thanks though!"  He said.

We left.  I’m sad. Well, we will be back tomorrow, I’ll be seeing him again and flying back from where we came from on Saturday.

-o- Excess Thoughts -o-

It reads Fri 25 Jan 01:29 am on my cellphone. Just finished this entry. I hope I remembered it right. Crap! no internet here in this friggin hotel room. I need to be in the lobby, or I’ll post this tomorrow at his office. Maybe, I’ll use his computer.

No booze for me tonight…Errr Morning?. I wish he’ll come over. I keep on playing my Mp3 player/recorder.  I have recorded his whole report, I need it for my report.  I miss his voice, I miss him, a lot! I lie back hug a pillow  and try to sleep. But I don’t need a rest. I don’t feel  tired. I feel recharged. I think of what I’ve done/did/said earlier… I remember a girl friend told me once that I’m crazy and irrational when it comes to Boo.  <laughs> . . . . . <still laughing>. . . . .  <Laughing some more>.  With that, I proved her point. So?

When it comes to irrationality, I have countless reasons why I am doing it/this/that/those. Besides, if I’m crazy I don’t need to be rational, do I?

I’m crazy. Too Crazy. Maybe too crazy for him. Am I?

"Systems Owner (SOs)" - they are not really what they are as mentioned. I’m merely protecting the innocent. <laughs>