Goodbye

Saturday, February 2nd, 2008

I’ll try to be nice as much as possible sa letter na ito. So please, wag mo gawing rason ito na umiyak pa ulit.  I can’t make you stop crying by giving us one more chance, I’m really sorry at hindi ko kayang pilitin ang sarili ko.

Wag ka ng umiyak. Diba, Sabi mo sa akin noon pag iiyak pa ako di mo ako papansinin. Pero umiiyak pa rin ako, instead hinahug mo ko. So here I am trying to return the favor. Naappreciate ko man lahat ng nagawa mo at nagpapasalamat ako sa lahat ng pagmamahal na naipakita mo. Hindi ko naman idedeny. Minahal din naman kita noon. Absent ako for 2 weeks noong dumating ako dito. Iyak, kain, tulog  at inom lang gawa ko. Hindi ko maintindihan bakit you choose to let me go. Oo nga nagsama tayo for 2 months, inignore mo  naman ako for almost 4 months. My god! Di mo ba alam kung gaano kasakit yun? 2 weeks pa lang yun tin! Para akong gago na nagaantay ng text from you nagmamakawa sa cellphone ko na tumunog! Pero wala. Ni kamusta wala. Masakit na masakit na masakit na masakit yun. Tapos bigla ka lang tatawag, what do you expect from me matuwa sa ginawa mo? Tama na nga ito. Lam mo dapat yun na, kakagamot lang ng sugat sa buhay ko, tapos nakaya mong gawin sa akin yun. You’ve already done enough damage sa buhay ko. Don’t push it. Masama ang kalalabasan ng pinipilit na bagay, diba? Lam mo yan. Ayoko isipin na my only memories of you puro disappointment, frustrations at galit.

Sa lahat ng babae na nakilala ko, ikaw yung isa sa pinakarational. You always have reasons for everything in a logical way. Namana ko nga ata sayo yan. Look at yourself, nawala na ang sense of reasoning mo. You are fabricating stories that didn’t even happen to us. Nagiging delusional ka na (I don’t mean this in a bad way). When I was crying on your shoulder you said “Everything happens for a reason” What happened to us or between us have its reason. We should learn from it. Look at yourself in front of the mirror, maganda ka, kaya nga you were My Angel diba?  Matalino, mabait, mapagmahal, sweet, at maalaga. My point here is, hindi ka mahirap mahalin at hindi ka mauubusan ng magmamahal sayo. Alam ko naman sino nanligaw at nanliligaw sayo. Be smart and don’t hesitate to hold on and love. Sometimes we need to gamble to deeply know what really things are, not just relying on what we think or see the reason for it. Anyways, open your world. Someday, you’ll be able to say na “Gago  nga si Boo!”

3 years? Almost na nga. Iba na ang mundo ko ngayon, at alam ko ganun din sayo. Isipin mo nga pag andyan ako, tapos comfort kita at patatahanin, iba na ang meaning nun, diba? Ayoko na magkaroon ka ng idea na there’s more to us other than what we are now. Ayokong umasa ka. Naiintindihan mo ba ako? You need to let go tin. I beg you, please let go. Ayoko ding nahihirapan ka and don’t dream na kaawaan kita, tingnan mo buhay ko ngayon dahil sa awa. Gusto mo bang kaawaan kita? You don’t want that, trust me.

This will be my last email to you. Please stop crying, parang nagsisisi ako na received ko call mo.

Take care! Uwi ka na ha.

-o- Excess thoughts -o-

Since he won’t write anymore, I posted his last email, So he can say "nawawala nga sense of reasoning ko….. adding Delusional at Damaging to that"